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Red Willow’s Quest:
Examining Women's Spirituality

Many also believe it is uniquely a woman's story. Lynn Andrews, best selling author of Medicine Woman and Love and Power, a Waking to Mastery feels Red Willow's Quest is "A powerful spiritually invocative story about a woman taking her power."

Here's an exchange from part of Mike Flanagan of Real Time Radio's interview with me in Boulder, Colorado: Mike: "Red Willow's Quest is unique, a woman's story. Women didn't have the easiest or best lives in the Indian culture."

Heidi: "That's true. Red Willow was given resistance from her camp. They wanted her to marry and stay in the tribe. They couldn't understand why she was going off on those visions. But she also had her grandfather, the medicine man, to help her."

We are all soul. Each of us has a spiritual purpose or quest in life. This quest grows and changes during our lifetime. We can gain an understanding of our quest in life by studying our dreams, paying attention our inner guidance, and listening to our heart.

We come into each life as a man or a woman. There are unique things we can learn from being in a female body and from living in different cultures and places. From remembering my life as Red Willow, a Native American woman, I learned that it takes courage and dedication to follow ones quest in life. I also learned to listen to my inner guidance and heart even when it may go against society beliefs.

In my life as Red Willow I was raised in nomadic Shoshoni tribe that lived along the Snake River in the early eighteen hundreds. I was the daughter of a chief and granddaughter of a shaman. When I was a child my grandfather began to train my brother Gray Eagle to become a shaman. When Gray Eagle sets off on his first Vision Quest, I decide to go on one as well. Vision Quests were an import part of the spiritual training for my people. On a Vision Quest a person goes to a quiet place to be alone for three or four days without eating or sleeping. It is an attempt to find a vision to guide one's life.

The following is a quote from Red Willow's Quest about my first vision quest.

"As I stared into the flames, my thoughts turned to when I was seven summers. Gray Eagle was going on his first Vision Quest to find his song, as all boys of the people must do to become warriors. He was being taught and guided by Grandfather to be the Head Chief some day. Father was currently Head Chief, and although it was not an inherited position, the people often picked the Head Chief's son if he showed courage and wisdom, and it was thought that he could guide the tribe.

I adored my brother and wanted to be like him, so I listened in rapt attention whenever he told me of his conversations with Grandfather. I was frightened and in awe of Grandfather for I could feel the power around him and around the sacred things he kept for our village. He was quiet and contemplative and he never played with me like father and Gray Eagle. When Gray Eagle proudly told me that it was time for him to go on his first Vision Quest something stirred deep within me. I wanted to find my song as well, and know why I was so different from other girls who were content to play with dolls and work alongside their mothers. I had this deep yearning inside me to know about the mysteries of life.

I decided to go on a Vision Quest, so I secretly loaded my pony with supplies and left camp. I was drawn to the Sacred Mountains, which were many Suns and Sleeps from my village. There I fasted and prayed, seeking a vision. On the third day a blue light appeared before me. When it drew closer I saw it was a tall, strong-looking warrior, finely dressed in ceremonial clothes. I was frightened but his smile was gentle and reassuring. He told me his name was Oapiche, meaning big man, and that he was my Spirit Guide. When I needed him I was to enter the inner silence where he would be waiting for me. He showed me a grown woman who was full of wisdom and power and told me that she was who I would become in this life. He said he would help me become a medicine woman and guide me on my spiritual journey.

Intense joy filled my being for I felt as if Oapiche was an old friend. Oapiche gave me a sacred sound that I was to sing when I was afraid or needed his guidance. The song was Hu-nai-yiee. As I began to sing it, I felt a greater love than I'd ever felt before.

I must have fallen asleep for the next thing I remember is being awakened by someone saying my name. I opened my eyes and saw it was Grandfather. He drew me into his arms and held me close. "A man came to me, Grandfather!" I exclaimed. "He told I am to become a medicine woman."

His concerned look broke into serene, knowing smile. "Then we will have to start your training." He handed me to father and I threw my arms around his neck and started to cry.

The quest was a turning point in that life because on this quest I met my Spirit

Guide, was given a sacred word to chant, and discovered I was to start studying to

become a medicine woman. When I was sixteen there was another major turning point in my life. I had plans to go on another Vision Quest, but there were enemy warriors on Shoshoni land. My desire to leave on another quest was met with resistance by a young warrior, Kicking Horse, who wanted to marry me. In the following scene I am in the teepee with my grandfather, Gray Eagle and Kicking Horse.

"I must leave on a Vision Quest tomorrow," I said from my sleeping couch.

"You should not let her go," said Kicking Horse.

"It is not for me to interfere with her Vision Quest," replied Gray Eagle.

"But the Piegan warriors are headed for the Sacred Mountains and that is where she always goes for her Vision Quests."

"Grandfather said that I should go despite the danger from the Blackfeet." I quickly intervened before Kicking Horse convinced my brother that I should not go.

"Your grandfather is a great man but he has grown old and lives in the world of visions and spirits now," said Kicking Horse. "He is no longer aware of this world, otherwise he would not allow his granddaughter to go on a Vision Quest with Blackfeet warriors in our territory."

"Only the world of Spirit is truly real," said Grandfather from his sleeping couch. "My vision is clear; not only do I know what is happening here but I see into the future and that is why I know Red Willow must go on this quest."

I was upset that Grandfather was not asleep, as Kicking Horse must have assumed; I did not want him hurt by Kicking Horse's words. "Red Willow," Grandfather continued in a voice that carried force and power, "must follow her own path. The spirits talk to her for a special purpose. She will never be content to live as other women. An older man of more experience might understand this.

"Early the next morning, my Mother's sister, Talking Goose, came into the tepee as I packed supplies into a buckskin bag. "So it's true that you go off on another Vision Quest!"

I stiffened, knowing she did not approve. There was a loud silence in the tepee and I knew she wanted to speak her mind, but was respectful of Grandfather's presence as an elder and shaman.

"Your thoughts are like rain pelting against the side of the tepee," Grandfather sighed. "You might as well say them out loud."

"Red Willow should not follow the path of a warrior. She should follow woman's medicine, the path of healing and nurturing. Her training should be left to the women of the tribe. Her behavior is causing the women to gossip about her."

"You are wise in wanting her to follow the way of women and yet you do not see everything," said Grandfather. "Red Willow must follow her heart and go on this quest as part of her training to become a medicine woman. It does not matter what the women of the village think. When she fulfills her destiny they'll understand and be sorry for their harsh words."

While on the vision quest in the wilderness of the Rocky Mountains, my spiritual guide came to me.

"On the third night, Oapiche came again and took me into the spirit world. I found myself in a shimmering white body beside Oapiche outside the entrance to a cave. He led me through the cave to an opening that held many ancient objects. I could feel the power radiating out from them. He told me in thought impressions to find my personal talisman, which would give me strong medicine. I examined a pipe and reverently touched a painted shield with feathers on it, then reached out to clasp a small sculpture. The inner vision faded and I found myself back in my body. I continued to pray in hopes that my Spirit Guide would return and take me back to the cave. He did not reappear. I was left wondering at the meaning of the vision and if the cave existed in the physical world."

After this vision I went to talk to Grandfather who told me I must find the cave and get a talisman. My brother has other ideas for my future. Gray Eagle gave me to Masheka, a Kootenai warrior who has asked for my hand in marriage. I ran away in the middle of the night to set off on my journey to find the sacred cave where I hoped to find my talisman. Masheka found me and I tried to convince him to let me continue my quest. In this scene Masheka is beginning to understand the importance of my quest.

"When Kootenai girls are young they go into the mountains to seek their animal spirit guardians," said Masheka. "A few grow to be very wise and have special powers from the Master Spirit and even become shamans. You are compelled to follow your quest the way a shaman is. Perhaps it is not right to take you to my village when you are so strongly led in a different direction. I don't want an unwilling squaw, nor do I want to offend the Master Spirit."

Masheka ends up accompanying me on my quest to find the sacred cave. One day we were followed by a mountain lion. On horseback we galloped away from the mountain lion. This scene takes place once we came to a stop.

. "The horses can't go any further," I said. I scanned the trees and saw no sign of the mountain lion, but still felt its presence. Wind Chaser sat down, panting heavily.

"Then I must shoot it." Masheka drew out his bow and arrow.

"No, I think he is part of my vision."

"Vision or not, better to kill him now than to wait until night when he will be hard to get a good shot at."

"If he wanted to kill us, he would have already. It will anger the guardian spirit if we kill him. The bear, the kotea and now the mountain lion have come to give me their medicine for my quest. What does it mean among your people when a person has a mountain lion as one of their guardian spirits?"

Masheka notched an arrow to his bow and drew back the string. "I admit the mountain lion is a powerful sign. If he's a person's totem they have courage and can become a powerful leader. But you are a maiden and it isn't likely that you'd have a mountain lion for a totem. This mountain lion is stalking us. When he shows himself I will kill him."

"Mountain lions are secretive creatures. It is very unusual to see one let alone to have one follow you in broad daylight. I don't think he is an ordinary mountain lion. You only want to kill him because you are afraid." The cat suddenly appeared in the trail ahead of us.

That night I dreamed of the mountain lion.

"Last night I dreamed of my Spirit Guide. He came to me with a white mountain lion. I don't know why the mountain lion came to me yesterday, but I know it was not a bad thing."

Masheka frowned. "You have powerful dreams and animal guides. Perhaps some day you will be a shaman."

"Can women be shaman in your tribe?"

"Yes, both men and women can be shaman. Shamans are leaders among my people. They help make major decisions for the tribe and lead ceremonies. They also help those who go on Vision Quests to understand their visions and dreams. They get their power from the spirits and can foretell the future and cure illness.

"Woman can be leaders in your tribe!"

"I have just said they could be."

"Even young women!"

"Yes."

"Women are not leaders in my band. They are not allowed in councils nor are they allowed to participate in many religious ceremonies. They are not allowed to look at or touch the men's sacred objects or use the sacred sweat lodges. When a young warrior returns from a Vision Quest, he shares his vision with the elder and shaman. His father may help him prepare ahead of time but never his mother. I have heard of a woman becoming a chief in some tribes but only after she is so old that she no longer has a monthly cycle."

"If women in your tribe can't become shaman than the people in your tribe must think your behavior is strange."

"A woman can become a medicine woman." I lowered my eyes, remembering times when other women of the tribe had come to father and grandfather telling them I should not be allowed to go off on so many quests. "Some say I have forgotten a woman's place."

Masheka laughed. "From your expression I'd say you were given quite a hard time. A man would have to be strong to have you as his squaw."

I glanced up at him. He was a strong enough man to have a woman who walked with visions. He seemed to read my thoughts and smiled at me warmly.

I finally reached the cave and sit down in prayer.

Oapiche appeared at the mouth of the cave with a light shimmering around him. His face was filled with compassion and his eyes shone with wisdom. He wore a white leather shirt and leggings and carried a sacred staff. Next to him was a magnificent white mountain lion who watched me with intelligent greenish-yellow eyes. His sleek muscular body was full of power. I felt a deep sense of peace and harmony.

"Come, Red Willow, the ancients call to you."

I rose, tingling with anticipation and a little afraid, then followed them into the cave, stooping to go through the entrance. They led me down a narrow tunnel into the depths of the cave. It was cool and dark with the only light source being what was radiating off Oapiche and the mountain lion.

As they led me to a small side passageway, the drums and chanting grew louder. We stepped through an opening and stood in a mountain meadow. It was night and I could now see the ancient people chanting and dancing around a huge fire to the beat of the drums. I became one of the male warriors dancing and singing to the Great Spirit. I wore a wolf head on top of my head. The fur of its body and its tail hung down my shoulders and back. On my feet were bone anklets that shook as I moved, and in my hands were tortoise shell rattles.

The dance was to give thanks for my people's safe journey from the land of ice and snow, with its months of cold, to this new land rich in game, with months of warmth to balance the months of cold. My people were strong and brave.

I became one with the sound of the drum as I danced around the center fire. The fire was the heart of the sacred nation.

Above me were thousands of sparkling stars. I stared up at them as I danced and suddenly I shot up into the stars like an arrow. In the star-filled sky I soared among the wispy clouds. I had wonderful feeling a freedom at being able to fly like an eagle. I was an unlimited being of light and so much more than my physical body.

After more experiences in the cave and further hardships, I finally returned to my people to help them as a medicine woman. When smallpox comes to my village they blame me for I had broken tribal custom by helping my sick brother when I was menstruating. Women of my tribe went to women's lodges when they had their menstrual cycles. Among the Shoshoni it was thought that a man would bleed to death through the nose if he were around a woman who was bleeding. This scene was another turning point in my life. An elder in our tribe with a great deal of power came to me with many of my people.

Jogwotee came forward. "The council has decided that the bad medicine has come to our people because you have broken tribal customs. You also tell lies and make up stories about pale-faced men. For breaking the harmony of the circle of the Nimi, you are to be banished from our tribe. You must leave at once."

My stomach twisted; it was a death sentence. The wind was blowing furiously around me, blowing snow in my face and trying to rip my kotea robe off my body. A person could not survive cast out in the Season of Howling Wind."

"I broke tribal custom because my brother is sick and needed a healer. I told the truth about the pale-faced men. When Masheka was here he told you his people had traded with them."

Talking Goose came over holding my looking glass. "You steal our people's souls with this.

"No, it's only a looking glass. It is like a clear lake that lets a person see their reflection."

"Our chief is dying because of you," said Sharp Nose.

"No, he grows stronger."

"You bring a curse to our people and killed White Bull!" said Talking Goose, shaking with emotion.

"I did not bring the blister sickness. The Bannock warrior brought it."

"You bring great shame to the Nimi by breaking so many customs," said Jogwotee. "You go on quests, you fight like a man, and you do not stay in the woman's lodge. Furthermore, you bring shame on our tribe by leaving Masheka after your brother gave you to him. Masheka saved our tribe from being

destroyed by the Piegan and deserved to be honored. Apo is angered by your actions and punishes the whole band. We will appease him by forcing you to leave us."

"I left Masheka only because my Spirit Guide said you needed a medicine woman."

"You must go. I turn deaf ears to your pleas. You speak with a forked tongue," said Jogwotee.

"Our people are dying. I need to stay to help them. Please listen."

"We do not listen to a woman. You cannot bring council to the men of the tribe."

"Let me stay a few more days until my brother is strong again."

"No, your relationship with your brother is unnatural. You broke custom by being alone with him, talking directly to him, and giving him advise." He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the tepee. "Go! Get away from our band!" He pulled out a knife. "I will kill you if you try to poison us any further with your words!"

Eventually my importance to the tribe was accepted and I became a medicine woman.

At the height of the ceremony, Jogwotee presented me with an ancient rattle that Grandfather had used to call the spirits when he was healing someone, then I was officially renamed Vision Woman. As I held the rattle I felt its power and mystery. It carried the knowledge of many ages. Grandfather's presence was beside me as I accepted the responsibility of being a medicine woman. Our band was small but the love that I felt between its members that night was very strong as if the adversity we had all been through had strengthened us.

The path of a shaman is never easy. For women it was even more difficult because of some of the superstitions about women and because in primitive cultures women are dependent on the strength and courage of male warriors to protect her and provide her and her children with food. In my life as Red Willow it would have been easy to have given up on my quest and followed an easier path. By listening to my heart and following my inner guidance I was able to make more spiritual progress in that life, which has helped make me who I am today. I was also able to help my people who might have been wiped out by smallpox. There is an inner joy and sense of purpose when we are following our quest in life. What is your quest and are you following it?

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